It’s fascinating how a decision to remain angry, starting at a very young age, can color your life for a long, long time.

In my Hybrid journey this week I focused on the moves our family made and how unaffected I was until our move from Colorado to California. Prior to that move, I relished the new adventures and gladly went along with joy, even, from Lebanon to Denmark to the United States.

lmsmileBut after gaining a sense of belonging in just over a year in Colorado Springs, the move we made to California at the ripe age of 9 took me for a loop. This is the last real happy smile I remember having for years.

And it showed. I had a difficult time making friends, my subsequent photos reflect a very glum little girl, and because I didn’t have the tools to resolve this underground anger, I would feel like I didn’t fit in…for the next few decades.

As I look back now, I am aware it was my choice to stay in this space. It’s true as the oldest of six kids my parents were too busy to notice my unhappiness and because I performed well and had success, everything on the surface appeared okay. But that discontent under my less than real smile would end up yielding a series of decisions that I wrestle with to this day.

My Hybrid journey week 11.